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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24119317">the complex variations of the letter J</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheriffandsteel/pseuds/sheriffandsteel'>sheriffandsteel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Outer Banks (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JJpope, M/M, Pining, Post-Finale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:33:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,270</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24119317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheriffandsteel/pseuds/sheriffandsteel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There were lots of names that started with the letter J, an endless amount really. In fact, it was considered one of the most popular letters for a boy’s name to start with. Pope wasn’t usually fascinated by words. Usually his attention was caught by science or numbers, things that were quantifiable. But from a very early age he became obsessed with figuring out what the letters that made up JJ Maybank’s first name stood for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>JJ Maybank/Pope Heyward, JJ/Pope (Outer Banks)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>360</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the complex variations of the letter J</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were lots of names that started with the letter J, an endless amount really. In fact, it was considered one of the most popular letters for a boy’s name to start with. Pope wasn’t usually fascinated by words. Usually his attention was caught by science or numbers, things that were quantifiable. But from a very early age he became obsessed with figuring out what the letters that made up JJ Maybank’s first name stood for.  </p>
<p>He came up with lots of possibilities, most of them ending in Junior. James Junior. Jace Junior. Jon Junior. Pope had two whole sheets of notebook paper scrawled with possible J Junior names. He’d never felt such a crushing sense of disappointment in his young life as he did when he learned that JJ’s father’s name was Luke, not a J name at all.    </p>
<p>Undeterred, Pope kept up with brainstorming possible name variations for JJ. The thought of not knowing something had burrowed under his skin and festered, driving him to sleeplessness some nights. It wasn’t like JJ and him were friends, he couldn’t just go up to the boy on the playground and ask him. Besides, the more time that passed the more Pope didn’t want JJ to tell him. Pope wanted to figure it out for himself. JJ was a code that Pope was determined to crack.  </p>
<p>After a few months of his code breaking Pope began to realize that there were people out there that didn’t think that the consonants that made up JJ’s fist name stood for proper names at all, but rather something that defined his personality. Like he had been given certain words for a name at birth that he had grown into, like he was destined to become them.  </p>
<p>The most popular one’s that Pope overheard? </p>
<p>Jackass Jailbird </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pope could distinctly remember the first time he ever saw JJ, really <i>saw</i> him. It was a small island after all, he’d seen JJ around at school, seen him at recess with John B laughing and shoving each other around while Pope played jacks with some of the other more mellow kids. But Pope had never spoken to him before, never really thought of him even except for his obsession with figuring out what his name stood for and what he had overheard the teachers say, how he was wild and undisciplined and something about reporting his father but Pope didn’t know what that meant. But even with all that Pope never really <i>saw</i> JJ, he just saw a blonde kid with too much energy and not enough common sense. </p>
<p>The first time he truly saw JJ for who he was, who he could be, Pope was sitting outside Heywards, kicking his feet on the bench that was still too big for him as he waited for his dad to lock up for the night. Pope had already finished his homework and his book so he was left with watching the people milling around the street in the last bit of evening light.  </p>
<p>A group of teenage girls down across the street abruptly jumped off of the sidewalk with a yelp as a demon on a bicycle suddenly shot out from the alley, jumping off the curb to dart in front of a car that only just managed to slam on their brakes in time.  </p>
<p>Pope sat up straighter and watched open mouthed as JJ sped past him, the grin of his face wider and wilder than anything Pope had ever seen before. </p>
<p>“Jackass! You’re just like your father!” the driver of the car leaned out of their window to yell after JJ and Pope heard the boy let out a delighted whoop at the insult.  </p>
<p>The sound of a familiar sigh near his ear caught his attention and Pope turned as he realized that he had gotten to his feet to watch JJ’s progress down the block. </p>
<p>Pope’s father stood next to him, staring in the direction JJ had sped off in with a sorrowful expression on his face. “That boy’ll be locked up before he’s eighteen.” He shook his head sadly before staring down at his son, placing a hand comfortingly on his head and forcing Pope to meet his eyes. </p>
<p>“You stay away from that boy, you hear me?”  </p>
<p>Pope nodded quickly; he was still at the age where he listened to every instruction his father gave him.  </p>
<p>“Good boy.” Pope’s father dropped his hand from his head and shook his head after JJ once more before turning to lock up the door. </p>
<p>Pope stared down the empty street and wondered where JJ had been riding off to in such a hurry before deciding that it didn’t matter. His father had given him an instruction and Pope planned to follow it. He didn’t realize at the time how impossible that would prove to be. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another possibility for JJ? Juvenile Jokester </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite his determination to crack the two letter code of JJ’s name Pope had always had every intention of listing to his father and staying away from the other boy. Pope’s parents had been to sure to instill in him early on the knowledge that he was going to have to work incredibly hard to get into a good college. They’d never be able to afford to send him so unless he wanted to graduate buried under a mountain of loan debt he needed to be the brightest kid in the class and get a scholarship. Above all though, Pope needed to stay out of trouble. </p>
<p>JJ Maybank positively reeked of trouble.  </p>
<p>It was John B’s fault really. Pope had become friends with him when they were partnered up in seventh grade biology and well, one couldn’t be friends with John B and not expect to have interactions with JJ as well.  </p>
<p>Whenever they were outside of class John B and JJ were attached at the hip. Try as Pope did to follow his father’s orders he found himself hanging around JJ more often than not.  </p>
<p>Honestly, he didn’t care for the other boy at first, and not just because his father had warned him off of him. JJ was, to put it simply, a lot.  </p>
<p>A lot of laughter, a lot of teasing, a lot of pranks, a lot of volume, a lot of Trouble.  </p>
<p>But Pope couldn’t be friends with John B and not like JJ so he kept his worries about him to himself and prayed that his father would never hear word of who Pope was spending his weekends with down at the beach.  </p>
<p>“We should be out there!” JJ cried one windy afternoon, pointing out at the swells that were rough enough that even the most experienced surfers on the island weren’t out riding the waves. </p>
<p>Pope stared at him in shock, still not used to him enough to know if he was being serious or not.  </p>
<p>“Always the jokester this guy.” John B laughed shoving JJ’s head with a friendly grin. JJ glared at him halfheartedly as Pope let out a breath of relief. He was still learning to surf, if he tried to go out on waves like that he’d drown in minutes.  </p>
<p>The relief he’d felt that afternoon must have been pretty obvious on his face because the next weekend when the seas were much calmer JJ showed up on his front porch with a surfboard tucked under each arm. Pope quickly stepped outside, grateful that his dad was at work. His mom had too big of a heart to forbid him from being friends with anyone. </p>
<p>“What are you doing here?” Pope asked nervously, looking around for John B and feeling surprised when he didn’t see him anywhere near. </p>
<p>“Teaching you to surf.” JJ explained with an eyeroll, shoving one of the boards in Pope’s direction. </p>
<p>Pope took it on instinct, even as he said defensively. “I know how to surf.”  </p>
<p>JJ snorted as he jumped down off the porch and walked away, clearly expecting Pope to follow. He hesitated for only a moment before he did so, although he carefully walked down the three steps instead of hopping them like a juvenile.  </p>
<p>“If you knew how to surf you wouldn’t have looked so scared shitless last week.” JJ called over his shoulder. Pope tightened his grip on the borrowed board as he looked at JJ’s back with wonder, the sun glinting off his blonde hair. He still wasn’t used to hearing kids his age swear and usually when they did they made a big dramatic scene out of it. Somehow the casual way that JJ tossed it out only made him seem cooler to Pope. </p>
<p>At some point over the next few weekends where JJ taught Pope how to actually be good at surfing (with a lot more patience than Pope ever would have expected of him) Pope realized that he had stopped thinking of JJ as just someone he hung out with because he had too. He no longer considered JJ to be just John B’s friend.  </p>
<p>Now he was Pope’s too.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another possible JJ alliteration: Jittery Jabberer  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even after Pope began to call JJ his friend, he realized that he was still unable to simply ask the older boy what the letters in his name stood for. Doing so felt akin to defeat and for some reason it seemed even more important to Pope now that he figured it out for himself.  </p>
<p>His father had been right to try to warn him away from JJ, the boy was as much trouble as everyone had always said and now that Pope was hanging out with him, he found himself easily following along with his and John B’s schemes. After a while Pope started to even come up with some of his own, although his were always much tamer than the others. Still, it had been his idea to break into the housing developments and that always provided them with hours of entertainment and a place to hang out free from the watchful eyes of parents. </p>
<p>Despite Pope’s father weariness at his newfound friend his mother was taken in with JJ the moment she met him. While JJ was usually a tightly wound bundle of energy often shrouded in a haze of anger and agitation, around Pope’s mother he was ‘nothing but a delight’, at least according to her. He was friendly, he was polite to the point of nausea, and he chattered <i>nonstop</i>.   </p>
<p>JJ could talk about anything with Pope’s mom; surfing, school work, books Pope wasn’t even aware that he had read. Every time JJ came over he always stopped to talk to Pope’s mother, chatting with her like they were old friends while Pope sighed and grumbled in the doorway, trying to hurry JJ along. He always secured himself a dinner invitation and despite the fact that Pope's father spent half the meal glaring daggers at him and every other sentence out of Pope’s mouth was to urge JJ to eat faster he still spent the whole meal locked in conversation with Pope’s mother while Pope and his father eyed each other in confusion across the table.  </p>
<p>It wasn’t until Pope caught sight of the yellowing bruises on JJ’s ribs as they changed into their wetsuits one afternoon that Pope realized the reason JJ was so friendly with Pope’s mom was because he didn’t have a parent of his own to talk to. She was the only parental affection in his life.  </p>
<p>Pope didn’t try to rush JJ through dinners anymore after that. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even as the years passed Pope could not let go of his need to figure out what JJ stood for. He’d even tried to prod John B into giving him a hint but either Pope hadn’t been obvious enough in his line of questioning of John B didn’t know either.  </p>
<p>The thought warmed Pope a little.  </p>
<p>Besides, he was pretty sure what the JJ represented now. It definitely stood for Joyful Juxtaposition. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time the summer after their freshman year rolled around Pope was beginning to realize that the feelings he had for JJ were not exactly the same as the ones that he had for John B, nor were they like the ones that the other boys’ seemed to harbor for the newest addition to their little group, Kie.  </p>
<p>Pope could see the way the others’ eyes tracked her sometimes when she shed her clothes before jumping into the water and Pope found himself watching her as well, but curiously, like one observed a documentary. He kept waiting for the sight of her to fill him with longing, or desire, or <i>anything</i> but despite how beautiful she was Pope never got those feelings that they had talked about in eighth grade health class. </p>
<p>He’d had those feelings of course, just never for Kie. Never for a girl.  </p>
<p>When he watched JJ tear of his shirt before jumping off the edge of the dock, well that always brought those feelings to the surface and Pope would quickly jump into the water to hide that fact.  </p>
<p>Pope figured that he was just going through a phase, not with the not being attracted to women part (he didn’t really care so much about that) but with the JJ part. He couldn’t have feelings for JJ, he just simply couldn’t. He was too wild, too unpredictable. Pope might not have been entirely sure of what he wanted in a partner yet (well except for a Y chromosome) but he knew that he would never be happy with such a walking contradiction as JJ Maybank.  </p>
<p>Pope had no idea how someone could go from being a walking human disaster to the sweetest person on the planet but he had seen JJ do it enough times and in quick enough time spans to give Pope whiplash.  </p>
<p>No, Pope would never be truly happy with someone like that. </p>
<p>He told himself it was just a crush and crushes often went away even faster than they came.  </p>
<p>By the time next summer rolled around he’d be quietly laughing to himself about how he used to watch the muscles in JJ’s back flex as he took off his shirt.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or maybe the J’s stood for Jiggish Jocular. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The crush did not go away. </p>
<p>In fact, it only seemed to grow stronger with each passing day and by the time summer came around again Pope figured it was no longer correct to even be calling it a crush at all. But since it was in his own head and he had no intention of ever talking about it with anyone <i>ever</i> it didn’t really matter if he used the wrong word to describe it.  </p>
<p>It certainly didn’t help things that the others had all discovered a new type of weed and that when JJ smoked it, he became incredibly <i>touchy</i>.  </p>
<p>Pope didn’t mind it so much at first. It was funny really, those first few times watching JJ (who was usually somewhat reserved with his affections) braiding Kie’s hair or wrapping himself around John B like a koala (usually so that John B would carry him into another room). It was even funny when JJ would snuggle up next to Pope on the couch, using his lap as a footrest or leaning on his arm.  </p>
<p>It was less funny when JJ would run his fingers lightly up Pope’s arm, making him shiver even on the muggiest days. When JJ did things like that Pope usually had to focus on a spot across the room as he sternly reminded himself that there was no Pouge on Pouge macking. When that wasn’t enough to quell the desire to lean over and kiss JJ (which it usually wasn’t) Pope reminded himself that JJ was not into him, he wasn’t even into guys as far as Pope could tell.  </p>
<p>It was only because of Pope’s little (all consuming) crush that Pope was even thinking anything of the way JJ would cuddle against him or how he had started to grab Pope’s face or rest a hand on his shoulder, even when he wasn’t high.  </p>
<p>Pope reminded himself sternly that it didn’t mean anything and if it did, it was likely just a joke to JJ. He was good at jokes, he loved them. Pope and his crush were probably just another one to JJ.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every possible combination that Pope had ever come up with were all total garbage because JJ one hundred percent stood for Jeopardizing Jerk. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can’t take the fall for me.” Pope repeated for the umpteenth time, lingering in the doorway and glaring at the bruising scattered across JJ’s face. He had never thought he was capable of such hatred for another human being until he had learned what JJ's father did to him.  </p>
<p>“Already did.” JJ said with an eyeroll, his voice laced with such forced casualness that Pope felt his jaw clench at the mere sound of it.  </p>
<p>“But you-”  </p>
<p>JJ cut off what was going to be another long tirade on Pope’s part.  </p>
<p>“It’s done.” JJ glared up at him as he shot to his feet, taking a step forward until he was nose to nose with Pope.  </p>
<p>“You’re throwing your future away.” Pope told him, his eyes narrowed at the mere thought of what JJ would be giving up if he took the fall for something that Pope himself had done. </p>
<p>JJ rolled his eyes and they were so close that Pope could feel the exhale of his sigh dance across his lips.  </p>
<p>“I’ve told you before, I don’t have a future.” Pope opened his mouth to argue but JJ put a hand on his chest to stop him. Pope wondered distantly if JJ knew that him and his closeness were the cause for the racing of Pope's heart. “Least I can do is protect yours.” </p>
<p>“You do have a future JJ.” Pope whispered, his eyes not leaving JJ’s. They’d never been this close before. From this distance Pope could see flecks of green in JJ’s eyes.  </p>
<p>JJ opened his mouth to say something and Pope found his eyes darting down to his lips. Luckily, before Pope could do anything foolish (like lean forward and kiss JJ’s open mouth) Kie’s voice called out from the other room, causing them to spring apart like two live wires.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Try as he might Pope could not figure out what JJ stood for. Privately he was beginning to think of JJ as Jagged Jawline. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Having the gold they worked so hard to find stolen out from underneath them sucked. Walking out on his scholarship interview to try to get it back was a horrible terrible move that the thought of still kept him up at night. Losing John B and Sarah? That pain was indescribable, insurmountable, all consuming.  </p>
<p>And consume them it did, dragging down on the three that were left in different ways. Kie had always been the voice of reason in their group but now she circled around JJ and Pope like a mother hen, constantly needing reassurance that they were okay, not in the heart at the moment but at least physically unharmed.  </p>
<p>Pope busied himself with his books after a week of avoiding them completely, convinced that he had ruined his life by walking out of that interview. Even that thought felt like a betrayal to John B’s memory. What did Pope’s worries over college and scholarships matter when John B didn’t even get to draw another breath? But Pope knew that his friend would only ever want the best for him so Pope shoved his thoughts of guilt aside and hit the books harder than he ever had in his life. Sure, that one scholarship was closed to him now but there were other roads he could take that would get him where he wanted to go. </p>
<p>Unsurprisingly, JJ took the deaths worst of them all. He had been friends with John B since elementary school. They had been thick as thieves for over half of their lives. Without John B by his side JJ suddenly found himself adrift and unsure of where or who to turn to. </p>
<p>Pope offered for him to stay at his place but JJ refused, saying he needed to be alone. Thankfully he didn’t try to go to his own house where his father loomed like a bear in a cave. Instead he went to John B’s house, holing up there which Pope didn’t think was necessarily the best place for JJ to be to begin healing but he wasn’t about to be the one to tell him that. As it was JJ was broken and the best Pope could do was try to prevent him from scratching himself on all his jagged pieces.  </p>
<p>In the end it was a good thing that JJ was at John B's because if he hadn’t been there would have been no one there to answer the phone call. </p>
<p>The sound of Pope’s phone ringing startled him awake and he jumped up from his desk, hitting his head on the lamp as he did so. He was so used to texts that he stared at the phone uncomprehendingly for a moment before answering it, his voice thick with sleep as he slurred, “Hello?” </p>
<p>“They’re alive!” JJ all but screeched into his ear causing Pope to flinch and hold the phone further away from his ear as JJ continued shouting. “John B and Sarah, they’re alive!” </p>
<p>Pope’s heart soared for a moment before reality came crashing back down on him. “Have you been drinking? Or did you just wake up from a really vivid dream?” </p>
<p>“Fuck you Pope!” JJ laughed, his mood too high to be brought down by Pope’s realism as usual. “I’m sober, I’ve been awake all night and <i>they’re alive</i>.”  </p>
<p>“JJ...” Pope whispered, wanting desperately to believe him but not wanting to get his hopes up because he knew that he would not be able to handle it if this proved to be false.  </p>
<p>“I know you’re a skeptic so they’re calling back in twenty. Talk to them yourself, get your ass over here! I gotta call Kie.” JJ hung up before Pope could say another word. </p>
<p>Pope didn’t really think that John B and Sarah were alive but he didn’t want JJ to be alone when twenty minutes had passed and no phone call came so Pope snuck outside and ran down the dark streets until he reached John B’s familiar front porch just as Kie pulled up.  </p>
<p>“It's bullshit, right?” she whispered to him as she ran up to him, her eyes bright in the moonlight. “No one could have survived that storm.” </p>
<p>“No one could find the Royal Merchant either.” Pope reminded her, somehow having someone else being the skeptic made the hope begin to bloom in his chest. JJ ripped open the door then and all but dragged them into the house where they huddled around the phone.  </p>
<p>When it rang two minutes later and John B’s voice came through the receiver, staticky but clearly him, Pope was pretty sure everyone on the island heard them shouting in joy.  </p>
<p>After they hung up Pope wrapped an arm around Kie and JJ and pulled them against his sides as tears of happiness slipped down his face. Before he could stop himself or talk himself out of it, he leaned closer to JJ and pressed a kiss to his cheek.  </p>
<p>They locked eyes for a moment, JJ’s blue ones watery and wide before Pope remembered himself and quickly turned to plant a kiss on Kie’s temple as well. Surely a couple of friendly kisses could be excused after they just learned their friend was back from the dead?  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>To Pope’s immense surprise the J’s might actually stand for Jealous Journeyer. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t easy and honestly Pope still didn’t fully understand how they managed to do it but somehow they were able to not only clear John B’s name but also get the gold back from Sarah’s father.  </p>
<p>It wasn’t theirs yet, it was currently locked up in a vault while they waited for the courts to decide if the money was legally theirs or Sarah’s father or the Outer Banks itself. Despite how hard they had worked to find the money as long as it didn’t go to Ward Cameron Pope didn’t really care who got it. Considering that he was currently out on bail awaiting charges for accessory to murder and grand larceny, as well as two counts of endangering a minor, Pope thought their chances were looking pretty good.  </p>
<p>Before Pope knew what was happening his junior year of high school had started and while the first day back was always a bit of a challenge, after that summer this one felt surreal by how mundanely normal it was.  </p>
<p>He was supposed to share his last class of the day with JJ but he never showed up which Pope found he honestly wasn’t all that surprised about. JJ had been out of sorts for the past few weeks, pretty much since the courts locked up their gold. Pope figured he was just anxious for the verdict of if it was theirs or not but he hoped that JJ wasn’t going to be acting putout until the courts reached a decision because they had already been told to prepare for a long wait.  </p>
<p>When the final bell for the day rang Pope headed straight for the doors, already knowing where he’d find JJ.  </p>
<p>Just as he had expected Pope found him on their favorite stretch of beach, the one that you had to struggle through six feet of reeds to even reach but that was always pretty much empty because of that. Only the die hardest of surfers ever really fought through to get to it.  </p>
<p>When Pope found him JJ had already been in and out of the water, the top of his wetsuit was off and tied around his waist, his board stuck in the sand beside him as he stared morosely out at the waves.  </p>
<p>Pope knew that he had to have heard his approach crashing through the reeds but JJ didn’t even look in his direction as Pope flopped down onto the sand beside him.  </p>
<p>“First day that bad huh?” Pope asked conversationally, taking off his backpack to drop it on the sand beside him.  </p>
<p>JJ shrugged, picking up a fistful of sand and letting it thread out through his fingers. </p>
<p>“Okay seriously dude what gives?” Pope asked with a sigh, leaning his elbows on his knees as he looked at JJ in concern. “What’s going on with you?” </p>
<p>JJ scoffed and tossed the sand out in front of him. Pope was suddenly grateful the wind was going the other direction or it would have all ended up in their faces. “Nothing.” JJ mumbled, still refusing to look over at Pope. </p>
<p>“Bullshit.” Pope said, his eyes narrowed. JJ looked over at him in mild surprise, despite the fact that Pope swore fairly often all of his friends always acted like it was a big deal when he did. He supposed it was his ‘goody two-shoes' reputation.  </p>
<p>Not that he had much of that left anymore. </p>
<p>“You’ve been in a funk for weeks. What is it? The gold?” Pope asked, his eyes searching JJ’s curiously now that he was finally looking in his direction. </p>
<p>JJ hesitated for a long moment before shaking his head, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Pope didn’t speak, he had been friends with JJ long enough to recognize his thinking face. As long as he left JJ to his own devices Pope would get his answers soon enough.  </p>
<p>True to form, after only a couple of minutes JJ spoke, his voice soft and halting like he was embarrassed and regretted the words even as he spoke them.  </p>
<p>“John B got to get out of here.” JJ cast Pope a guilty look as he continued, “He almost fucking died in the process but still. He got off the island. He got the gold. He got the girl.” JJ shook his head before looking at Pope with the most vulnerable expression Pope had ever seen on him before. “What have I got?”  </p>
<p>“You’ve got me.” Pope whispered, nudging JJ’s shoulder with his own. He felt like he should tack on more, add in that JJ had the others as well but for once Pope didn’t feel like hiding his feelings. Not when JJ looked as soft as he did in that moment. Now was not the time to pretend that his feelings for JJ were anything less than as deep as the ocean. </p>
<p>“I’m never going to amount to anything.” JJ continued, as if Pope hadn’t spoken at all. “I will live and die on the Outer Banks.” </p>
<p>“You can be anything you want to be, and you can go anywhere you want to go.” Pope reminded him softly, leaning harder against JJ’s arm. “And if you choose to stay here, would that be so bad? You love the Outer Banks.”  </p>
<p>“I do.” JJ agreed, brushing his face against his arm before turning to face the water. “But part of why I love it is you guys. Once we get that gold John B is gone, he’s already left before it’ll be easier the second time around. Kie won’t stick around past high school, she’ll go off and save the world.” </p>
<p>JJ sniffed lightly as he turned back to face Pope again. “You’ll leave too, off to one of the hundred colleges that accept you, and then where will I be? What reason will I have to keep me here?”  </p>
<p>“Okay first of all I’m not going to get accepted by a hundred colleges. Do you know how expensive it would be to apply to that many? Not to mention the sheer amount of time filling out all those applicat-” Pope rambled, simply to fill the silence while he thought of something to say but JJ began to pull away from him and Pope panicked, reaching out to grab JJ’s arm as it moved away from his. </p>
<p>“I’m not going anywhere JJ. And even if I do, you can come with me.” Pope promised, his voice suddenly thick with emotion. He had always been so focused on getting a scholarship and getting into college that he never really let himself think about what it would mean to leave the Outer Banks. To leave his friends. To leave JJ.  </p>
<p>JJ nodded, looking entirely unconvinced so Pope reached up and cupped JJ’s face with his hands, guiding his gaze back to Pope’s. Pope could feel JJ’s breath waft over his cheek as he used his thumbs to wipe the few remaining tears off of JJ’s face. </p>
<p>Pope reminded himself that now was clearly not the best time to confess his long-buried feelings, not while JJ was upset and crying. Not when Pope still didn’t know if JJ even liked guys. Not when it could very easily ruin their friendship and certainly not when it very clearly went against the simple rule, no Pouge on Pouge macking.  </p>
<p>But then JJ leaned into his palm and Pope looked at him in time to see JJ’s gaze drift down to his mouth and all the reasons Pope had hidden his feelings over the years seemed inconsequential now. </p>
<p>“Fuck the rules.” Pope whispered before leaning forward and pressing his lips to JJ's.</p>
<p>JJ kissed him back almost immediately as if he had just been waiting for Pope to make the first move all along.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The letter J wasn’t even invented until 1524. It hadn’t even been a letter for five centuries yet so Pope supposed in the long run that it didn’t matter if he knew what the J’s in JJ stood for. He figured if it was actually important than JJ would tell him in due time. It seemed like the kind of conversation that one would have with their boyfriend. In the meantime, Pope was planning to simply enjoy his time with JJ, feeling Jovial and Jubilant with every moment they spent together.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was an unseasonably warm Sunday and Pope’s father had actually consented to him borrowing the boat for the afternoon. The group spent most of the ride out into the open water talking about what they were going to do with their share of the gold once it was finally legally declared as theirs. They all had pretty practical uses for it, even if Kie did want to donate all of hers to charity.  </p>
<p>Pope was still praying that the gold would be declared as theirs because even split five ways he’d easily be able to pay for his bachelor's degree and even a masters if he wanted it and still have money left over to help his parents out at the shop.  </p>
<p>But more than that, Pope wanted them to get the money so JJ could do what he wanted with it, which was surprisingly practical for him. He wanted to finally pay his restitution and hire a lawyer to help him get emancipated. Sure, he was still living at John B’s but it would be nice to be able to do it legally. The only reason that the county was turning a blind eye to the fact that John B was a minor without a legal guardian was because they all felt bad about the manhunt. Pope wanted JJ and John B to have the money even more than he wanted it for himself. </p>
<p>“What’ll you do with the rest of your money?” Pope asked thoughtfully as he splashed JJ, who gasped in mock outrage. </p>
<p>“What money?” JJ asked before surging forward and ducking Pope underwater for a moment. He emerged spluttering as JJ laughed.  </p>
<p>“The rest of your money from the gold jackass.” Pope said as he tried to rub the saltwater out of his eyes. Even growing up on the island it still sung.  </p>
<p>“Oh that.” JJ said, suddenly looking nervous and casting a look out at where the girls were both trying to dunk John B. “I figured I’d probably save it. Thought it might come in handy if I wanted to see the world, or visit you at college.” </p>
<p>“You'll come visit me?” Pope asked, feeling his heart swell at the very thought.  </p>
<p>“Course I will.” JJ rolled his eyes at that before a look of hesitation flashed across his face and he continued nervously, “Unless that would be weird. If you don’t want me too, I’ll-” </p>
<p>Pope cut off his rambling by swimming forward and kissing him. JJ sighed against his mouth and swam slightly closer, their legs bumping against each other under the water before they pulled apart.  </p>
<p>“You better go somewhere with a beach nearby though.” JJ reminded him again, tapping Pope lightly on the nose as he rolled his eyes in response.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually Pope’s curiosity about JJ’s name got the best of him and Pope decided that he was done waiting around for JJ to tell him or for himself to crack it like it needed a decoder ring. The simplest way to get the answer was just to ask JJ himself and Pope was sick of talking himself out of doing so. It wasn’t like knowing the answer was going to change anything between them and maybe once he knew Pope could go back to having a normal relationship with the letter J. </p>
<p>“I gotta ask you something man.” Pope said hesitantly as JJ wrapped an arm around his shoulders to pull him against his chest.  </p>
<p>“Hmm?” JJ muttered, running his fingers over Pope’s scalp and making Pope shiver in response.  </p>
<p>Pope drew a deep breath before reminding himself that it was just a name, knowing it would change nothing. Besides, he had surely guessed it by now anyway. With this thought in mind Pope finally managed to ask the question that had plagued him for nearly a decade. “What does JJ stand for?”  </p>
<p>“What do you mean?” JJ asked pulling back to look down at Pope in confusion.  </p>
<p>Pope sat up in response, staring a JJ with a wrinkled brow. He thought his question had been perfectly clear. “What do you mean what do I mean? Like what do the J’s in your name stand for?” </p>
<p>“JJ.” JJ said slowly, stretching the constants impossibly long and looking at Pope in concern like he was having a fit. </p>
<p>Pope shook his head, his brow furrowed. Why was JJ being so difficult about this? It was just a name, he just wanted to know what two words made up his nickname. Pope's thoughts must have shown on his face because JJ placed a hand on his face, running his thumb lightly over Pope’s cheek as he whispered, “My name is just JJ.”    </p>
<p>Pope gaped at him opened mouth as the answer slowly began to sink into him.  </p>
<p>“Oh my god.” Pope whispered to himself before flopping back on the bed as he was suddenly overcome with laughter. All those notebook pages wasted, all those years obsessed with the letter J, all of it for nothing.  "Gian Giorgio Trissino is the reason your name exists." Pope wheezed out between his fingers, determined to use his inordinate knowledge of the consonant at some point.</p>
<p>“You are so fucking weird man.” JJ said affectionately, shaking his head as he looked down at Pope. </p>
<p>Pope got his laughter under control as he pulled JJ down on top of him, pressing kisses against his jawline as he realized that of course it hadn't been for nothing. </p>
<p>It had been for everything.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>find me on tumblr @lumierelalune</p></blockquote></div></div>
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